Want to be polyamorous with me? I’m waiting to see how you treat your current partner/s
A friend and I joked yesterday that dating profiles should let you leave reviews. It would certainly weed out the worst of the “promise you the world then disappear” offenders.
Then I thought again and realised polyamorous potential partners come with inbuilt recommendations if you look hard enough. The way someone treats their current partners says a lot about how they’ll treat you, not during the wooing stage, or even in the grips of the new relationship excitement, but when you get cosy together and the lust turns to love.
I’m watching the way you look after your current partner’s emotions whilst you’re chasing me. I see what effort you make to ensure they always feel special to you.
Sure, I don’t like feeling like my needs come second best but right now, before someone has decided to commit to me, they really should. I don’t like inconsistency and I don’t like being messed around, but I don’t want you to blindly agree to all the dates I suggest without checking with your nesting partners first. I don’t want a person who misses important family days because the lure of my naked form took them away from the people who need them most.
I don’t want a three-month whirlwind romance which burns out. I’m hoping when I start a new relationship to spend longer in cosy cuddle phase interspersed with wild sex than I will in getting to know their body and desires stage.
One day I’ll be the person waiting for you to come back to me and telling you how excited I am for your new lust. I’ll be the one waiting for the reassurance you still find me sexy and exciting.
If you treat your partner as though their feelings don’t matter, or if you suggest their jealousy is their own problem to deal with, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the likelihood of you doing that to me is also high.
I don’t need you to empty your closets for me knowing you’ll want my stuff gone when the next guest checks in, I need you to make a little space in your life and keep it there whoever else comes along.
Sweeping your partner out your head and heart and neglecting their needs in order to fawn over me might make me feel special for a few weeks. But I know it’s going to end in heartache for me because I’ll be next on your neglect list.
Besides, that person you’re disrespecting is *my* meta. I haven’t met them yet but I’m hoping they’ll also make space in their life for me, grill the burgers while I make the salad, and message me to say you just left theirs and I can start getting my bag ready for the beach trip we were planning for the rest of the afternoon.
I don’t want someone I’ve never met to hate me because their partner is using my existence to disrespect them.
If you’re telling me your partner is “fine”, “was upset but will be fine” or “needs to do the work” I’m going to remove myself from your life fast.
If you’re telling me I’m better than them in whatever way, I’m going to put that flattery on ice and wave you bye-bye. My self-worth is not and has never been at the expense of others and I certainly don’t want it to gnaw away at me when you meet someone new and I wonder if you’re using my shortcomings to flatter your new love.
Your dating app profiles may not come with testimonials but don’t think I’m not drawing my own conclusions from what I see of your current relationships and how you treat your partner/s when I burst into your life.