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Are they flirting with you?

If you’re wondering this, the answer is often yes. But the real question should be *why* are they flirting with you?

There are hundreds of articles which will tell you how to look for signs of sexual attraction in someone. Not everyone is an expert in body language but often instinctively we notice those little clues.

Sometimes they aren’t so much clues as huge banners, like your crush literally telling you they find you sexually attractive and why.

Yet still that little question mark still lingers. Do they?

Let’s face it, “are they flirting?” is not necessarily what we’re asking. The real question is why is that person is flirting and where in their minds they were hoping to take it? …

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Image credit: Timetravelling Ivy @ Medium

This morning I received a message from a guy on a dating app. The kind I received is common but today it made me think.

He said (and I paraphrase)

“I don’t want a traditional relationship because I feel trapped in them, but I don’t just want one-night stands, I want some intimacy.”

This is a regular theme in the contact I get. As a polyamorous woman, men see me as a halfway point between stifling relationship with all the emotional labour it entails, and meaningless sex which leaves you feeling empty.

The reality is the problems they encounter aren’t magically deleted by dating me. They don’t adapt or change any part of the way they interact and the problems of them feeling trapped and their partners feeling jealousy don’t disappear because they date someone polyamorous. They could date anyone and still fall into the same patterns. …

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Image credit: TimetravellingIvy @ Medium

Polyamory seems to be having a boom time with lots of people realising there are other relationship structures than ‘fall in love and stay monogamous forever’. I took the brave step to ethical non monogamy just over a year ago, here are a few things I wish someone had told me.

I’m gendering this post because I believe much of this advice is woman-centric.

You’ll be drowning in dick, but most suitors are not worth your while

The first thing I noticed was how many matches and messages I had compared to those of my husband. He’s a great catch — intelligent, caring, good looking, funny — but he maybe had one match to every fifty of mine. That didn’t mean I was hot and he wasn’t, just there are a lot of men out there who are desperate for female attention. …


Timetravelling Ivy

Rantings of a polyamorous, pansexual, switch-bitch bipolar-bear warrior. No expert, no guru, just navigating my world

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